Thursday, October 30, 2003

autumn breezes

fallen leaves and burning fields signal the onset of autumn, the smell of kerosene in the chilly morning and stiff shoulders from the extra layers of clothes. it only looks warm around here, year round gardens are a fooler, only frost worthy veggies can survive, the houses have no insulation, no central heating... the toilet seat must have a cloth cover to keep your ass from freezing to it, unless you invest in a "warmlet", ... a heated toilet seat that feels like someone has sat there an hour before you came along. i wonder if any other country in the world boasts these products. or medicine that makes your farts smell like roses... i feel an incredulous rant coming on... save it for a rainy day! m. posts on his site of his plan for marraige, how lucky can i be? a man who gets excited at the prospect of weddings and nest building... where have you been all my life my love?!!! you sed you missed this boat, looks like our ship has returned to port! and its a lovely sailboat called the 'luvubabe' i love you babe!!!!

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

the universe is a busy place

hold on to your satellites earthlings, and unplug your computers! the mighty orb is about to spit a monstrous energy lunger in our humble direction, as if the rumblings havent caused enough trouble to last the next 200 hundred years! lives are turned upside down, fires rage, skirt lengths and wars go up and down... what does it all mean pilgrim? that the waves do not roll and the leaves do not move without Divine will... not to worry, let the spontaneous expression of Divine love flow over your miniscule existence and know you are a part of the dharma wheel...ever turning... toward infinity...

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

rumours and fires

there are more rumours on the wind. and fires... the first rumour i heard was the first (and only) phonecall from baghdad. that was in may. i remember so well, "i might be back for that party my friends have every year"... an independence day party. and just recently, the battalion commander says, "it might be as early as late november to as late as early march"... you have to believe in rumours, cuz they give you nothing concrete to work with. a set return date would make the morale meter burst. no matter how early or late, just something concrete. something to make your life plans around. i pray for a rumour that comes true, but at the same time would like to strangle the little creep in some mouldy little cubby hole that generates them. and fires... the santa anas are so good at carrying them. mother sez the sky was red and the ash falling like a volcanic eruption. she loaded the car with family photos and important papers. choking and me...

Sunday, October 26, 2003

to liquidate or dehydrate?

totally saturated and perfectly straight. alcoholic deviation is a total waste of calories. it just doesnt work! i envy you folks who have those wierd named drugs... xanadu and pro-exact?... i just would like to have some old fashioned mary jew wanna or acapulco gold! damn! when i miss him so bad i i only have that damn evil liquid for numb ness...its numbing alright but dehydrating as well, a real concern for middle age, you wanna hang on to every bit of moisture you can muster! oh well, i just keep thinking, not much longer now babe, not much longer now...

Saturday, October 25, 2003

to gush or to bleed

should i gush or should i bleed? a human being is capable of so much emotional pain, just another twisting screw in the side of life of the human spirit. how can we be so miserable and so happy at the same time? m. just makes me love him more and more with each mail, not just the good stuff you know, it is the honesty that floors me. telling me all his faults, all his truths...we will try to do a phonecall in november. i went back and checked the date we found each other last year... it was thanksgiving, no shit... it was thanksgiving day. it will be our first anniversary from now, the day we are most thankful for, finding each other again... looks like i choose gushing over bleeding anytime!

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

just for good measure...

being the smartass never take no for an answer question authority type, i just had to say if you fucking spy jerk assholes from the government or military think you are gonna find dirt in a place like this or m.'s letters, you are just a bunch of voyeuristic tax money wasting bottom feeders! so get a life and chase after some "real" threats, okay? if in fact you really are spies... or do you just pretend to be in singles bars?.... on a voyeuristic lighter note... i had a """hmmmm""" dream about my co-worker! he is a nice guy for sure but i would never entertain the idea of an 'affair' with him, i am just sooooo lonely for m.!!!!! damn babe! when are we ever gonna be together? i am getting older by the day! the old ladies warned me, "if you dry up down there, thats all she wrote honey!" god grant me the patience to refrian from masturbation and the wisdom to stay lubricated! (its a joke... i have the deepest love imaginable for st. francis and the object of his love...) october25,2003 hmmm. i came in here to write something tonight and found i somehow didnt publish this rant about looking at our stuff. odd that i didnt post it so that makes it worthy of posting for sure since i had wondered if i ought not yank it. awww fuck big brother. they aint lookin anyway!

Sunday, October 19, 2003

boar wars

you know youre out in the boonies when its not safe to go out at night without a firearm. no, its not crazy madmen who might attack you, its boars! this is the time of the year when they are most active at raising hell all over. rice and sweet potato harvests are devoured in a single night. they are rooting all the fields just in front of the house! when they finish thier search for grubs and worms it looks like someone has just gone hog wild with a roto tiller. so i was going to take a walk like usual tonight but the cloudy sky makes for pitch black conditions and i am not a pussy, so i wont carry a flashlight. but i am a pussy when it comes to serious rustling just off the side of the road and it sounds like it is coming my way. and they do attack. can you imagine? "here lies the body of foreigner, eaten alive by pigs"...

Saturday, October 18, 2003

choose your poison

when youre feeling out of sorts and life sucks, what do many people do? seek a diversion. some of us drink, some of us zombie out on the idiot box, some do drugs, prescription and otherwise. some do productive things like excersize (obviously not one of my diversions, i cant even spell it!) or bake cookies. now there is a kind of diversion that has billions of us by the balls, geekdom... you sit in front of your computer for hours and days at a time. you ruin your life by meeting strangers (or former flames) and falling in love... i am addicted to this stupid machine! i have adjusted my internal clock to wake me up at 2:00a.m. to check for mail from baghdad, no matter how much of drunken stupor i was in when i passed out. (i am five hours ahead of iraq time). when there is no mail i feel ill, and then i cant sleep... i need him so bad it hurts to be alive. m. sez he wont believe in a god that makes innocent people suffer. why did god decide to make the road to enlightenment so treacherous? ya ya i know, things worthwhile are worth every second of suffering. well then that surely means m. and i are a match made in heaven cuz the suffer meter has been knocked off the scale! there is no diversion for lovesickness except the object of your love...

Thursday, October 16, 2003


i got away for a few days. up to the big t. town. what a place. if a thing exists, surely it can be found in tokyo. we wandered everywhere. guypal "alien" took me through a sample of his wanderings. now he has been around, this alien. he took me through the labyrinth of electronic geekdom, akihabara, where the electronic stores are interspersed with that wierd kiddy porn manga shit. a honeycomb of cubby holes selling every part known to man. we were on a mission. to find batteries for the palace floor elephant. the one m. found in baghdad. it takes two watch batteries to run. it turned out to be a flashing light, from green to red...not a weapon of mass destruction... surely one of saddam's concubine's bauble. we drank kilkenny ale at an english pub and got totally ripped, danced and had a too good time. walked home in the misty rain screaming at the top of our lungs. alien tried accosting a cop car... (public drunkeness is a national pastime here) next day we cruised a real live bowery. bums lying and shitting in the street, public drunkeness at 9:00am, boarded up shops... some shop owners tie old bikes together and put them in front of thier shops to keep the drunks from camping in front of thier stores. there are welfare-looking offices that have cutesy names like, "hellowork", but nobodys working. rows upon rows of flop houses. some guy walked by and said, "get the hell outta here! youre breaking the law being here!" some friends are true blue and alien, you are one of them. you gave me what i needed more than anything in the world with impeccable timing. you always have. you ruined my life turning me into a geek and i thank you from the bottom of my heart! i was more than ready to sign up, no need to draft me. needless to say it was r&r for this creature. i cant wait for the next chance. just keep me away from that kilkenny's!

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

playing hooky

i played hooky today, plain and simple. called in sick when i really wasnt. watched videos from t. and slept late. yakked on the phone with my mother. slacked big time. still feel tired. i know california is populated with freaks and wierdos, but arnie for governor? the groping terminator? politics is a popularity contest. wasnt ronnie bad enough? and to think i was thinking it might be a place to end up. family there and all. tijuana would be a better choice. maybe move to puerta vallarta and take canadian gringos on sailing cruises. se habla espanol?

Monday, October 06, 2003

blogged down

when you stick your finger in a light socket you can expect to get shocked. how high the voltage will go is a hard call when you cant see the juice. but it peaks and wanes... so he knows the whole truth. i am a terrible liar, i got the whole shebang in the advice department, say nothing... tell all... so if you say nothing, it drags out in a long procession of cancerous uncertainty, or you spill the beans and let the amputation begin with the proper anaesthesia. i prefer amputation. is it a preference? more like a 'cut to the chase' tendency. letters are backing up. have to get in and pick up the juicy military bits, and he sent another charm! a golden stallion! found in a kuwait shop while waiting for transport back to baghdad. my stallion..longing for your wild ride!