Monday, June 30, 2003

reality check

:::local news flash::: "a faulty fire alarm causes large fire in municipal fire station" :::overheard outside my kitchen window by politician wannabe and his flunky::: "hey, that foreigner is cooking in there, imagine that..."

Saturday, June 28, 2003


i never meant for this blog to be the despair of a heart who hurts over the injustice of the world... but the ribbon of love that binds me to the soldier in baghdad has forced me to break open... the bush administration and the "neocons" who have taken my beloved country hostage (and how many others they are trying for!???) has driven me to despair! ... they are the infidels we wish to crush, not the average american or canadian or german or french or any other nation!s average person. we ALL want the same damn things alll over the entire world! healthy, happy family, and the peace / freedom to worship as we choose. so simple... how do the rottenest people become leaders?... oh woe is me....

Tuesday, June 24, 2003

rainy season

rainy season means rain all day every day ... poisonous centipedes come in the house and mosquitoes lurk in every dark shadow...rice grows taller everyday... locals trapped in the same dull conversations they have been engaging in thier whole life... rainy season cabin fever sends one into dull drums...

Monday, June 23, 2003

a mail!

cold rain and walked 3km or so in zori... brrr and come back to a mail! m is only speculating to be home for the holidays... it will be one year at the holidays, surely they can't extend a t.o.d. for more than a year!!! and big brother's wheels of corporate consumer crap have plugged up m's inbox with that strange meatlike substance! ahhhh, the joys of isololation and different drummer use (fuckyou bill gates!). i have yet to experience that horrible stuff! this is one pleased pilgim to get a mail from m though.. rest easy for a night...

Sunday, June 22, 2003

war sucks!

m.... i miss you.... all politics aside.... war sucks! when roger came back from 'nam... i was just a kid, but how can i forget the fights and the hiding in the bushes... teri put her fist through the window... she couldn't understand... how can we know the pain and hurt a soldier goes through.... and then a different pain waits when they get home...

Saturday, June 21, 2003


meher baba sez patience can be a fate worse than death. so much for virtuous.... but patiently waiting none the less for mail from m.... in a not so virtuous mode. it is not fun to check the dof casualty list.

Friday, June 20, 2003


well, being isolated unfortunatley doesnt come with carefree joblessness. still intertwined by the capitalist beast for heat, electricity,most food.... the consumables!! dont forget that internet connection you FINALLY got last summer! (and lord have mercy you have got it all OVER you!) what to do? how to reap the mana? like most isolated foreigners, spread the anglo-globalization by passing on the lingo! people will actually value you for your unbounded wisdom into the unfathomable depths of south park! however, this foreigner has hooked up with some of the rich foreigners who keep thier isolated getaways here and there, perched on the cliff over the sea or nestled in the deep forest... and they pay to have somebody clean up thier getaways. so with weed whacker in hand, dressed in protective clothing from finger to toe, mosquito coil strategically mounted on the hip; sure to be burning at both ends for maximum effect, i made mincemeat out of the jungle surrounding whiney man's yard. and share a tea while he whines about being poor..... not too hot yet. whacked for a full 40 minutes before my hands went numb. still waiting for mail....

Thursday, June 19, 2003


m never indicated he had a thing for me back then. i was obsessed with him though. but i keep my obsessions so well hidden he didnt know. and now that he has become the object of obsession again, it is my local i keep the obsession hidden from. say what? do you throw away a life of 15 years for a former obsession? (if he gets out of baghdad alive,that is. hey! amerikanos dying on a regular basis: see any major news site) oddjob sez: "who made the rules you could only have one partner?" but if the shoe was on the female foot, would i tolerate it? and could i really be wifey to 2 guys? somehow i doubt it. i am a damn good cook though... (when m got the one call out from baghdad, local and oddjob were literally beating thier chopsticks on the table for the next round of better than restaurant chinese;vegetarian for oddjob, that i was cooking. i ran outside with the phone but thier screams for more food was alarming the wildlife! long awaited phone call inturrupted by two men demanding to be fed!) is there such a thing as a partner who is on equal terms of "im crazy about you"...? why do guys come on so good and then peeter out? like a path in the woods, looks so inviting but the deeper you go into the forest you find the damn trail leads to nowhere. just peeters out...but the terminal optimist always thinks the grass could be greener. or the path will lead to shangri-la of the heart. oh well, meanwhile, pray and wait for an e-mail from baghdad...

letter from baghdad!

hey! it only takes 2 months for a letter from the wartorn totally ruined country, iraq! isnt the modern world a miracle?!! a camel coulda swam here in 2 months! but it is word non the less, and jammed full of spooky info and hnnnnn good love vibes. m sez which unit he is attached to for the first time! (special forces) well the hot shit... look what you get when you crave adventure! it is a juicy story, me and m... in the throngs of being revealed as the days pass... what hath the forces of the universe conspired to create in the puny little life of isolated foreigner? talk about hankering... hankerin for more than just advertising. just when the locals ways have nearly completed the cutting of the sociological imbilical cord, a blast from the past of 25 years comes and crash lands in this cyberworld. just when you thought there was no more amerikano left. m sez mre's make your shit about the same consistency of the mre. great. washing himself and his skiveys in a ditch with a washboard. will gosh hon, you dont hafta be a soldier for that kind of adventure! but i love a man in a uniform

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

what takes the place of that consumer hankering? more hankering!! i wish i had tv, i wish i had radio, i wish i had books and magazines from the western world. i wish i wish i want i want. you find yourself reading the fine print on ads from the very occasional magazine a friend might send you. one day you realize you are addicted to the stimulation of advertising!!! it isnt so much the language you miss as the stimulation and titilation of the dreaded monster ADVERTISING! the commercials you once surfed over become the show! and after a decade of isolation, a glance at a video sent from the states is suddenly a shock to the mental system! (advertising sure has gotten aggressive, let me tell ya!!) would you let your mother watch it? welcome to the land of catatonica!

a foreigner isolated in a small asian country. what happens when you grow up in the richest country in the world and you intentionally remove all that is familiar, all that is comfortable, all that you know. you learn.. everything you know is wrong! and you have been brainwashed by the familiar. what does 30 years of tv and radio and all you can eat and bigger is better do to you? it turns you into a consumer! consume becomes your unspoken motto from morning to nite. and if you dont believe it, and you live in a rich country, try one week with no electronic contact. can you do it? well, it sure wasnt easy for this pilgrim.