Wednesday, January 21, 2004

rollercoaster ride

whew! a busy few days! but not busy enough in the communication dept. with m.... i havent heard from him for 4 nights!!! all i can pray is he's just too busy, he has warned me often enough of that possibilty, especially so close to departure from baghdad. i cant help but worry though, he has been sick for months now... oh how i just long to take care of him! good food, (i'm a master chef, give me the ironchef award everynight!) good rubdowns, ( i know a thing or two about that too, you dont have to be muscle mama if you got technique!lol!) and good loving...(i NEVER have a headache...hehehe) when you love somebody with the intensity of such as me, you live to make them happy, and let me tell you, no sacrifice is too great when they show you appreciation and gratitiude. that is the reward. yeah i'm human, i desire to be recognized for my efforts. well, the moaf (mother of all fights)has gone down and it is sure to be the last. when i took that box to work and he said, 'are you sending that to iraq?' and i sed ,'no, i'm sending it to myself in the states. 'he finally sed, 'well, i guess you arent gonna change your mind'...duh...i guess not! i thought giving him 4 months to get used to the idea was enough... i believed all that buddhamind bullshit rap... how he understood human nature... looks like he forgot his own possessive nature in all that 'studying'. well, put down the book philosepher and live a day or two and then you will know the buddhamind... nobody is above desire, and accepting our desire and embracing it is when you jump into that ocean of love and drown, rather than drown from the attempts to stifle desire until one day a shock hits you (your little bird escapes from its cage)... i have found a shipping company that specializes in gaijin moves! yippeeeee! thanks K.... my angel, my agent in life and love...i love you!xoxoxoxox