Wednesday, January 14, 2004

stubborn mules

well bust my britches, i never could have guessed my local would be so damn dogged about trying to keep me. he must have been in heaven all these years to have his prize locked up in a cage, could take me out whenever he felt like it, do with me what he wanted and then throw me back in when he finished. man, was i dumb or what? to think being honest and upfront would somehow make it easier on him. give him time to adjust, get used to the idea of me leaving. well, i guess the kicker for some guys is when another mule is kickin in thier stall. but you see, i believed all his talk, all that buddha mind bullshit. then he comes out with,'i'm just a man'... but man, if you knew what love was about you would have realized long ago its not about possession, its not about taking, its about giving... if he loved me dont you think he would be glad to 'give' me to the one and only man in this world who knows how to love me? he sent m. a letter... 'dont take my wife'... that is so sad, because he isnt taking me. because i am not a possession. i love m., i have loved him for decades. that has never and will never change. my local has accused me of everything under the sun. immorality, (is desire in your heart immorality? we have never slept together and only kissed once!) abandonment, you name it i have heard it. well, i wont air his dirty immorality here, i will give him that privacy. but really, the letter to m. was the last straw. i will be out of here asap, forget being responsible... shit, i have been trying to organize old cans and bottles for god's sake, feeling it was my duty to help get all the junk sorted out that collects over the years. those two hell moves we did over the last 2 years have turned out to be a blessing in disguise in that regard though. the junk level is relativley low. hey, know anybody who wants a mac performa OS 8.6? i got two of them junkyard bound!!!!