for real

well, i will get back to that enigmatic crap later.. blogspot just wouldnt accept it. we spent 5 days in nuremburg!(on the phone) man, if you think karma is a bunch of krap, you better get your dictionalry out and redefine your definition! kismet is the word i chose from the websters jus cuz i like the sound of it... but taking out the graph-o-meter. its jumping off the scale. i fell in love with him when i was 14. i never told him. he fell in love with me when he was 16. he never told me. we are 43 and 45 respectively. i found him on the internet last fall, two months before his guard unit deployed for iraq. we fell in love all over again in that 2 months, never "exactly" saying it. when he deployed to fort*** he wrote me the first, " i love you"... it would be easy, if i wasnt married. huh?... well, imprisoned might be the proper word. who is the jailor? me!!! but then again i am not in charge here. parts are played out for unfathomabe reasons when you give you it up... when the bombs started falling in march, i took the envelope off a letter i had clutched beyond recognition, got blown away on my drink of choice (bier...must be the german blood), and i scrawled how much i was in love with him and couldnt live without him and.... do you know... that the mail could get here faster on a fucking camel swimming here??? hey! uncle sam!!!!! its the 21st century??? shave your beard and stop bombing everybody!!! i'm high... i'm sad... i'm happy out of my head! if i thought for one moment i was in charge of this life, i should be the laughingstock of every temple, shrine, church or mosque from here to babylon...,!