peace at home

we had our party! it was good, i dont remember much, i guess you never do, or you remember what you didnt do... the great thing was the almost total lack of stress. it was a day we planned since last summer, even lightening knocking out the power wasnt gonna put a damper on the day! speaking of, man, i missed those midwestern summer days and nights of boom boom and flash! looks like ol' mom nature is making up for lost time this year! lets hope she shines on our much anticipated honeymoon camping trip but it has been one long honeymoon since the day i stepped off the plane. i had a few wierd-out sessions, overcome with emotion/chick shit, but there he was, 'i dont know what to do. just tell me how to make you feel better babe'... he is no poser, everything he said about himself is the facts plain and simple. no, he doesnt have 'moods'... peace and love prevail...thank you babe!

dear diary

i guess i always come in here with the intention of saying nothing. a noble thought indeed, when the blogosphere is a prettty busy place for people who have a whooole lot to say. i think back to my 'who cares' phase. actually, a philosphy i ended up adopting as a survival tool in the jungles of izu. if you really think anybody cares, think again, cuz they dont. you are lucky if you can meet one person in your life that would share with you thier last dollar. i cant help thinking how Y. cares for me. i know he would lay down his life for me now but why couldnt he give me the love and affection that is a given between a loving couple? i mean to make it clear, he almost never touched me! despite endless attempts to 'train' him. i always ended up in the end with the same response...'its just not part of my culture'.... why oh why was that so hard for him? why? why did he have to be so godamn dogged about his 'culture'? what if i had been that way? what if it had been me who just plain wasnt gonna budge from podunk idaho? what if i had insisted on public displays of affection? washing in the bathwater? does he really think he would stick it out just for me? walk talk and act like a cowboy in order to keep the neighbors from gawking... damn, i got that darn bitter gaijin bone stuck so deep in my throat. oh well, nobody cares, it will pass...maybe in another 30 years.....